If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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