i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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