Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
