sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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