can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
