HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
