Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
