Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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