I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
