she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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