I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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