yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
