I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
