But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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