Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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