I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
