I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
