Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
