We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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