he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
