so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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