my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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