I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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