a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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