Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She even gives head with a lisp.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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