"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
