It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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