ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
