I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
