sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
