i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
