If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
