Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
