You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
