Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
