on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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