I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
