I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
