i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
