would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
