I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
