Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize