There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
