I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
