Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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