Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
