i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
