He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
