Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
