just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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