OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize