I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
