Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
