i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
