but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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