Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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