do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
