i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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