im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
