Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We're facebook friends in real life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize