nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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