If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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