I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
