ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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