My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
