how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
