hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
