You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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