Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
