nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
