This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
