apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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