i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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