she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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