His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
