Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
