Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
