it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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