New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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