I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
