he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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