Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
