Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
