maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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