I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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