I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
