I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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