Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
