I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
