he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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