My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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