dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
