Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
