Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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