he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
