Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
