Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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