OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
