im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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