Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
