how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
