fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I look better un-naked...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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