she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
