you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize