thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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