I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's the barista slut.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
