Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
