I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
