I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
