OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize