yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
