this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
