Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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